My daughter called me from school in about her 11th week of pregnancy and told me that she was having severe stomach pains. She had gone to the nurse, who talked to me and told me that we should probably go up to the clinic to get it checked out.
My daughter was very scared. I was numb. For the very first time, I realized that even though this was going to be a very difficult I certainly did not want it to end, and I most definitely did not want my daughter to have any difficulties that would cause her to be in pain and distress throughout her entire pregnancy. I had a deep love for her, but not for the baby...not yet.
The doctor on call wanted to make sure everything was alright and before I could brace myself we were in the ultrasound room.
The doctor put the wand on my daughter's flat little stomach and within seconds the second love of my life was thrashing around, moving their two inch head and waving at Grandma. And...that mighty heart was beating....
I was sunk. This was the second time in my life that I had fallen in love with a picture. The first time was when the Fed Ex envelope came from the adoption agency and I pulled out a picture of a little girl from Russia in a wool dress.
I am convinced that the stomach pains, that have not occurred again since that day, came for a reason. My daughter needed me to understand what she had experienced when she fell for the pencil-tipped sized spot on her six week ultrasound. She needed me to grasp the reality and to understand that the issue was not just the "pregnancy" - it was a BABY.
At the end of the day, no matter the outcome of this adventure, there was a baby that was going to be born. A baby that was going to be the one and only blood-related link to my adopted daughter.
My daughter and I took a trip to Minneapolis and began pregnancy options counseling at a wonderful organization called "Amnion Crisis Pregnancy Center." It is a Christian-based organization that offers lay counseling to persons experiencing unexpected pregnancies. It was a referral given to me by a friend who was one of the first persons I shared this news with, and who I shared my experience with not knowing that her daughter had gone through a very similar situation not so long ago. Her daughter ultimately ended up having twins that she gave to a wonderful couple as part of an open adoption. I did not even know that she had gone through this....I know that God put me with her that day, telling her story and helping me at a time when I needed the help so much.
I wanted my daughter to talk about options with a neutral party. I wanted her to make an educated and conscious decision regarding her future, as well as the future of her baby.
My friend brought me a book that did help to put it all in perspective, but more importantly, she shared a CD with me that put God firmly back into the picture. I needed a reminder that God was there - unconditionally, in the sun and the storm....especially in the storm.
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