I have always been one of "those" parents. I made a conscious decision to parent my child. I planned it to the minute, researched my options to the point of being an expert in most of them, and ultimately decided to adopt from a foreign country. I was 32 years old when I became a Mommy. I had a good job, I was self-sufficient, but I had over-whelming family support. I was a single mother who appeared to have it all together. I was prepared and ready.
I have dedicated my life, willingly, to raising my daughter. If there was an opportunity for her, I sought it out and got her involved. She was and is a willing participant in most activity and she was a true joy to serve and observe. I love her with everything I have. For the last 15 years, I have had the honor of being her mother. I have loved every minute of it. But she is 17 years old. She did not come to me until she was 2 1/2. I always felt like I missed something that I was not going to get back. I did not get to see her as a baby and I did not get to watch her roll over for the first time, crawl, take her first steps, or even say her first word. I missed out, and part of me has always felt sad, and even somewhat robbed by that. And, she was going to leave me and go off into adulthood in such short time. I yearned to have those 2 years back....
Well....sometimes you get what you wish for. You may not see it for awhile. But dreams come true...they may come in the backdoor, but they come. And, if I have learned anything from this, I have learned that you have to appreciate what you have when you get it. Even if it comes in an unexpected and initially quite traumatic fashion.
On September 3, 2010 my 16 year old daughter told me that she was pregnant. On September 3, 2010, I learned, for the very first time, how it felt to be completely overwhelmed. I did not have the answers...I did not have any answers....my dreams fell on the floor of the camper (where we were when she told me) and my heart and mind left my body and floated around southeastern MN for about two weeks before they came back. Really, for the very first time in my whole life, I was angry with everyone and everything, including my God. Yes, including my God.
There were so many things wrong with this picture For my daughter's whole entire life I had been able to fix everything for her. She struggled with ADHD and it was always a constant struggle to stay organized, follow directions, get good grades, have a social life. She has never had the ability to think about consequences - obviously. And, she always needed me to think for her. I had made a life out of running ahead of her with a safety net. Not behind her....ahead of her.
Now, mind you, we talked about boys and sex and pregnancy and birth control. These subjects were covered daily at our house. They really were. But, anyone who has spent anytime with a child with quite severe ADHD knows that as hard as you may try, curbing the impulsive acts is impossible. She acted impulsively, for 15 minutes, one July afternoon, and she changed her world, and the world of those who love her the most.
My daughter has always loved boys. Maybe it is because she was raised by a single mother who did not exactly have men knocking down the door. Maybe it is because her primary male role model died very suddenly when she was 9, maybe it was hereditary, or maybe she was just born with boys on the brain. And, as opposed to the issues of her mother, the boys like her too. Thus, the daily talks in our house about boys and sex and pregnancy. We worked on relationship building and companionship. Birth control was offered and available. I never condoned sexual activity, but I literally begged her to use birth control. And she promised that she would....
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