My mind was a blur. The reality of having your teenager announce a pregnancy is difficult enough, but the unexpected issues are what makes it overwhelming. As I have mentioned - a lot - I am a planner. My daughter's Junior year was supposed to be the year of planning for the future. I had college tours scheduled far and wide. We were going to explore as many options as we could.... Iowa, Wisconsin, North Dakota, and Minnesota. I wanted her to have a plethora of options. The world was her oyster.
Then suddenly it wasn't.
She is not an exceptionally open person. She has a very difficult time opening up - as a parent, I have had to learn to "read" her. Initially, this was difficult because even though she was screaming for me to understand her, I was not at a place to want to understand her. Her first quarter at the mainstream high school did not turn out to be very successful. The fear, confusion and chaos in her life was exacerbated by a nasty upper respiratory infection that grabbed her and held on tight for a whole week - and we had to treat it without the aid of much medication. She missed a lot of school and when she was there, her ability to concentrate was almost non-existent. She did not yet want to tell everyone that she was pregnant, but realistically, it was difficult to function in that environment without letting people in on the secret. She was not readily excused to use the bathroom, and the teachers kind of assumed that she did not care. She was a terrified young woman who would have taken support from anyone who offered it, but sadly, it was not offered - When she missed the whole week of school, she had exactly one teacher inquire about her well-being...and that was the band director.
In a much as I wanted this to alter her life as little as possible, I needed to understand that working toward success - despite the pregnancy - had to be the goal. After much soul-searching, a thorough research of different options, including private and charter high schools in our area, I approached my daughter with the idea of going to the Area Learning Center - a "branch" of the high school that caters to kids that don't find success at the high school or just cannot deal with the high school atmosphere, have fallen behind for some reason, or did not complete their work prior to traditional graduation. I did not even have to get the sentence out of my mouth and my daughter wanted to go. In fact, I made the call to the high school counselor at 7:30 one morning and by 9:30 she had turned in her books and went to the ALC to officially enroll to start the next morning.
The plan was set. She would go to band at the high school every morning, then complete her day at the ALC My deal with her was that she would attend every day when she was able and she would leave the idea of returning to the high school for her senior year open. I was still holding on tight to my idea of normal.....
The ALC has been her salvation. She is treated like an adult. She loves the independence, and she even enjoys the group environment. She attends every day and she even puts in extra hours. Her grades have sky-rocketed - and she has worked hard. My personal opinion is that in a lot of ways, the ALC is a best kept secret. It is a quiet, goal-oriented, self-driven program that works well.
The goal for my daughter, that is literally talked about daily, is college. She has made real, solid and wonderful college plans. The college goal has not changed. She is on track to start college - if not a little earlier than our earlier plans.
I am starting to learn that my dreams for my daughter have not shattered...they have only been somewhat altered. The dreams and goals are alive and well - just a little non-traditional....should that surprise this single mother...by choice?
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