The truth is that I always wanted to have a biological child. I would say that it was one of my Top 5 Life Goals when I was younger. I wanted to be pregnant and experience childbirth. But, if I was going to do that, then I wanted to do it with my husband. Having a biological child, for me, was not going to happen without a husband. Go figure.
My Number One Life Goal is not a secret. I wanted a child. I decided when I was about 18 years old that if I was not married by age 30, I would adopt a child. I put the adoption papers into the mailbox at the Post Office in Greeley, CO on August 13, 1994 - my 30th birthday. Crazy.
By the time I went through the adoption process, I had the privilege of watching a baby be born...one of my clients had a baby when I was a social worker, and I was the birth coach. It is an experience that I am eternally grateful to have had at this point in my life. If I was going into this without having had that experience, I am sure the anxiety would be even more intense than it is already. However, the client was not my daughter, and the absolute center of my life. The thought of watching her be in so much pain is beyond my comprehension...and believe me, I am trying to comprehend it.
As my daughter's belly grows to unbelievable proportions, and as I watch and feel that little guy (who has a name at this point) move around so purposefully and vigorously inside of her, I can feel the anxiety increasing by the second. It is such a mix of sheer excitement and unbridled terror. I am sure that it is as close to what my daughter is going through as I can get without having gone through it myself....
I know that the next seven weeks, give or take, are going to be interesting, to say the least, but I have to say that for the first time ever I am saying with a bit of confidence that we are going to be as ready as possible and the love that is bouncing all over this house will land firmly in that little guy's heart immediately - no doubt about it.
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